Thoughts on anything & everything

Most of us have such strong emotional connection to Sabudana khichadi / vada or thalipeeth (shallow fried, thin version of the vada), that a thought of giving it up is heartbreaking. I had them very sparingly in last 10 years. All that starch in sago/ sabudana seemed like a huge diabetes booster, not to mention the potatoes. But then, I happened to put together this recipe which I make very often now. Anything to make low-carbing easy right?

Let's dive right in. We need -

• Riced Caulifower - About 2 cups
• Grated Parmesan cheese - 1/2 cup
• Crushed peanuts - 1/4th cup
• Almond Flour - 1 tablespoon
• Green Chilli - 1 no.
• CIlantro - a few twigs
• Salt - 1/4 t-spoon
• Ghee - couple t-spoons for shallow frying
• Lime juice - optional

I don't measure ingredients but just eye-ball them. You could vary quantities according to your preference. Also, one easy way to crush those peanuts is to put them in a ziploc bag and crush using a rolling pin.

FInely chop the chilli and cilantro and mix everything except the ghee.

The mixture is very crumbly, not like a dough and that's okay. Grease a griddle with some ghee and pat down some of the above mixture in a thick circle. Add some ghee on the sides, cover and cook. 

It does not come together/ stick together like a thalipeeth. It will break in pieces. If that happens, just remove it in a bowl and eat like khichadi. It tastes exactly like sabudana khichadi, is equally satisfying and this recipe has under 10 net grams of carbohydrates. (from caulifower and peanut). You could eat with a dollop of sour cream on the side or high fat plain yogurt. Must try if you are on the lookout for keto/ low carb Indian recipes.

After watching the trailer for this movie some time back. my instant reaction was, "there is no way I am ever going to watch this movie." I am a very picky movie-watcher and horror is an untouchable genre for me. But It so happened that I decided to watch it under the spell of Subodh Bhave fever, which actually is Vikrant Saranjame fever - I have talked about it here - https://lazermonkey.webs.com/apps/blog/show/45993279-vikrant-saranjame-and-the-female-subconscious-mind

Looking back, I am glad I made that decision because this movie is one of the best I have seen, ever. Let me try and put my thoughts in words so I can catch the essence of why I liked it so much. This is not a traditional review that film critics dish out for you where they touch on certain aspects, summarize and give stars and we are done. It is SDP (Savita Damodar Paranjpe) from my point of view and what matters to me when I watch movies.

A quick few minutes into SDP, I forgot about the real reason I was watching it - Subodh Bhave. That's how caught up I was in the story. The story of a young, seemingly happy couple, the husband, a successful writer who looks like, well, a writer and his beautiful wife, Kusum. This exquisitely dressed, stunning woman catches your attention right away and never lets you go. You can see her strength in the way she places her hand on her husband's when women are gossiping about them still being childless and Sharad looks up to a room on the upper floor of the chawl. What beautiful piece of screenplay and direction. The whole conflict of the movie is encapsulated in that one moment. Stupendous work.

Kusum played by Trupti Toradmal is this femme-fatale par excellence. She is slim and tall, has a strong, chiselled but still feminine face and piercing eyes that add to her mystic aura. I was so mesmerized by this character all throughout the movie, even in the horror parts, that I thought she was the sexiest woman alive. But after coming across some of her interviews and appearances, she looked like any normal, pretty girl. She becomes all of the above through her fabulous acting and of course her costumes, lighting, makeup, great camera work and notably the director who presented her in a way that she comes across as the seductress who is oblivious to her sexual prowess. I think it comes from having a woman director (Swapna Waghmare Joshi) to show a sexy woman with no body hugging dresses, no gaudy makeup, zero show of cleavage or too much skin. Classy and still seductive. The contrast between the couple, in terms of looks, is set up that way right in the beginning. The plain-Joe looking Subodh Bhave and this goddess of a wife he has. A mildly intimate scene between the two right in the beginning makes you assume, ahem, things about their married life. Most men must be like "One lucky guy this Sharad Abhyankar dude" right in the first few minutes. 

Such smart direction and screenplay here, in the way that the groundwork is laid in viewer's minds within the first few minutes about this couple, their supposed conjugal life and happiness. Not too many words are used and we are already sure we know this. The conflict is thrown at you soon after when Kusum doubles over in the bathroom with a stomachache and we find out that she has had some undiagnosed disease for years. That to me is the oxygen for any movie-watching experience. If within about 10-15 minutes, I am not asking the "What next?" question, I lose interest. It gets more and more interesting from there. Sharad has called upon Ashok, (Rakesh Bapat) for help with his wife's condition. He has some expertise in astrology, palmistry and the occult as we find out later. This, he believes could be another avenue after years of tests and mainstream medical advice.

The movie quickly picks up pace from here on. Ashok spots the problem in his very first session of palm-reading. He brings out the latent personality in Kusum, Savita Damodar Paranjpe. The discussions between Sharad's doctor friend, Sharad and Ashok are so rivetting. I was hanging on to every word all three men were saying. The doctor, as expected, considers this a psychiatric issue and he has theories explaining those. While Ashok is convinced Kusum is possessed. The exact kind of discussions we have in real life about what science tells us and anecdotal tales that we all hear. This conflict, and the downstream effects of SDP making her demands is the crux of the movie, a unique conflict and unique set of circumstances. Overall, it's nice to see these three men discussing solutions while Kusum throws a wrench in their theories and plans. The doctor is not happy with Ashok's methods and conclusions, but he tells Sharad in a later scene that he thinks of Ashok as a genuine guy who knows how to handle Kusum while she is in the middle of her attack. That part was endearing where you can appreciate someone you don't agree with. 

By the time you are almost in the fourth decade of life, you have pretty much seen all story lines and conflicts that a movie could tell you. Even in the most suspenseful movies, I am guessing the end halfway through and more often than not, I am right. That is, if I make it to halfway. Most stories never take a grip. Lot of moviemakers get too involved in developing characters all through the first hour. Honestly, if I am not asking "What next?" I don't care for the characters and their relationships. A hallmark of a good story is that you first get the viewer involved and then introduce your characters at peace. Tell me all about Sharad and Kusum, how they met and what they like to eat, anything. What matters is WHEN it gets told. This movie is a lesson in concept for introduction of conflict and characters and how it should be done. The story just grabs you by the collar and keeps you until the credits start rolling. It's what separates class from other run-of-the-mill movies that we are subjected to. All credit to the original story by Shekhar Tamhane. In the original play, they say, when the curtains fell people stayed in their seats shell-shocked forgetting to clap. I can totally imagine that goosebump worthy experience.

Rakesh Bapat as Ashok has in my opinion given as good a performance as Subodh. He has managed to tone down his expressions in a role where it was easy to get carried away. The one scene where Kusum just comes on to him and he has to resist her advances while fighting his male basic instincts is done very well and tastefully. At no point does it get disgusting or obscene. And what do you even say about Subodh Bhave? He is classy as always portraying the frustrated, defeated, desperate Sharad. The scenes between these two men are intense and captivating, especially the second one by the bunglow gate. They argue back and forth about ethics and the paap-punya concepts as it relates to the situation. "Jar shwaasach nasel tar hya concepts na kay artha aahe?" Profound. Angad Mhaskar as the family doctor has done a great job. His blue-green eyes only adding to the mystical topic at hand. We see a glimpse of the handsome Subodh in flashback scenes which I will avoid talking much about. This might be a bit of a spoiler, but I have to mention the girl in flashback. She is a talented girl, a singer and a dancer, but average looks is her nemesis. We all know how that dagger of rejection feels like, most of us have been there. A rare Kusum, if any, among us might be clueless. The sister, Pallavi Patil, is simple yet pretty. Loved her pairing with Rakesh Bapat and their subtle, cute love story.

I have talked enough about Trupti already, but at the cost of repeating myself, she is absolutely stunning as Kusum. She looks scary in the trailers, but once you get used to the style and the fact that she talks like that when she is Savita, there is no horror left. The most important thing here is of course the original story which is unparalleled. But equal credit to very intelligent direction and screenplay. The way the story unfolds in front of you is almost bewitching. Last but not the least, music. Perfect blend of haunting and melodious. Velhala song is superb, so is the wedding anniversary one. Nilesh Mohrir's music is a class apart, always. All in all, it's not really a horror story. There are no dead cats or howling winds or people turning up dead. There is no blood in any scene, absolutely no 'It' or 'Annabelle' parallels, no rustling leaves or creaky floors.  It's a story about love and obsession with a paranormal element thrown in. I was worried about getting nightmares after watching it, but got none. What I got was just a satisfaction of having watched a rare good movie with an actual good climax. Must, must watch!!

Subodh Bhave as Vikrant Saranjame in Tula Pahate Re (TPR) is the new heartthrob in town. Move over SRK, Ranbir. Most men have no idea what hit their households, wives, daughters, moms, from age 5 to 90. I am sure Subodh and the production team are as surprised as the other marathi men. Did you guys anticipate this kind of popularity for Vikrant Saranjame character? I doubt. So why not deep dive in the female mind and look for answers? Let's give it a try. Ladies! Here's a nice still from TPR for you. That's where we begin.

Isn't he so handsome? Of course he is. But I can hear reasonable people ask, So? Gurunath Subhedar is handsome too. In fact his character is younger. Rana-da some men would say is handsome (Newsflash : buffed muscularity is not something that attracts women, only men think it looks good). Come to think of it, This Vikrant Saranjame character is a middle-aged man with grey hair, past his prime. His eyes are tired, expression mellow. His smile has a touch of sadness to it. He looks like a broken man with no exhilaration for life in general. Our minds are automatically drawn to the mysterious reasons behind it. (Kudos to Subodh Bhave for portraying it to the T). But this is certainly not the type of character we expect to be popular among women, right?. Well, attraction is a complex phenomenon. 

The most fascinating concept in psychology is that of a subconscious mind. Many have heard it in passing, but most have no idea how powerful it is. Everything you do, say, feel is ALL controlled by your subconscious mind and you don't even know it. That's the key here. You have NO IDEA. It's like the movie Matrix. We see only what our subconscious mind has been programmed to make us see, programmed like a computer. How does it get programmed? By your childhood experiences, environment, parents, society, relations and much more. But the lead programmer is - EVOLUTION. For the purposes of this article, I will stick to subconscious explanation of what attracts women.

Our animal minds understand only two things, survival and reproduction. That's all animals live for, survive long enough to reproduce and their job here on earth is done. It's too simplistic and crude but that's all there is. Aren't humans at a higher spiritual level than animals? Yes. That's why we do survival and reproduction differently. But the limbic system in our brain still operates on an animal level. The survival part which includes food is fairly simple to understand. Just give us loads of sugar, salt, fat and we are all set. The second basic drive is a bit more complicated, works differently for men and women. Attraction is a cornerstone of it even though we don't explicitly think of it that way. What in the opposite sex attracts people, let's say women in the context of this article? Women might say sense of humor, kindness, family, values, looks, education yada yada yada. And they are all true factors, but most are at conscious level. Our mind is like an iceberg,much of what we feel/ think is HIDDEN from our 'radar' of awareness. It's where raw truth resides.

As in many other cases, evolution is the boss here. It has programmed women's mind to see one thing and only one thing - Resources. What does that mean? We have to think of caveman time to understand this and suspend our modern feminism driven sensitivities for a while. Read further only if you can do that. What would a woman need back then? Security! As in, a man who can scavange and hunt, so he can feed and protect her and the children. The bounty that he brings home, translated as money in modern times, and a physcial strength to protect are the basics for her. Power and confidence are also huge players that can effect how people perceive him. A powerful man (boss) who controls people is extremely attractive to women. I know this confirms the age-old theory that women are after money. It can be mighty offensive to both men and women. For men, it's unthinkable that a woman would love them for their money. But don't confuse love with attraction. An attraction may or may not evolve into love. But it's the necessary first step.

So in short money, power, confidence, and overall an alpha male character is very attractive to women. A rich man with average looks is more attractive to women than a poor man with better looks. Also note that rich is a relative term depending on the girl's families' economic status. A girl who is born in a rich family and believes she has all the money/ resources she will ever need might be more inclined towards a man who is resourceful in other ways, like physically well-built, mechanically inclined man. Let me give you couple examples. We hear college boys say how girls swarm around that guy with a bike and ignore the obviously nicer boys who are good at academics. It comes down to resources. If you ask the girl, she will never say that she likes a certain guy because he has a bike - (translating to resources in evolutionary terms.) She might have other explanations like he is dashing, or handsome or whatever. And guess what? She is telling the truth. She doesn't know what attracted her to that guy. The workings of subconscious minds are HIDDEN from our awareness. This is true for everything we do.

Also, resourcefulness does not necessarily mean money-in-bank right now. Ambitious, driven, intelligent men are attractive too. This woman is more evolved than the one who likes the guy on a bike. Her subconscious can see the potential in this guy to be resourceful one day and she is ready to wait. If you ask her what she likes about this guy she will say 'he is intelligent. We have great conversations. He treats me respectfully.' The real subconscious reason is "He is intelligent which means that one day he will earn good money and be a good provider." Now if you say to that girl that you are only after his potential for earning money, She will be horrified. I don't recommend that. She is not lying. No. Her conscious mind has no idea of this subconscious programming. 

Women are accused of being gold-diggers and there is enough evidence if we look around. In fact, in arranged marriages it's not even hidden. The girl's side will look for the boy's salary, if he owns property etc. We don't even blink an eye in response to these demands. My daughter says, "Aai, why is it socially acceptable to be a gold-digger in India?" Well, different societal norms. On the other hand, some would say it's not like 100 years ago, women earn money now. They are not dependant on the man to be the provider. True. But that is a separate issue. Whether a woman earns or not, the basic rules of attraction still apply. Even a working woman wants a man to earn more than her, be taller than her and of course stronger than her. Did you ever hear anyone say 'amchya mulila bharpoor pagaar ahe, mulga kami kamvat asla tari chalel'? I have not.

Coming back to TPR, Vikrant Saranjame fits so many of these things that attract women. I don't think they wrote the character with this in mind, but that's just how it came about. He is rich, powerful and handsome. Now I have seen Subodh Bhave in serials and movies since my college days. he has always been the same level of handsome and I was not really a fan. Why now? I asked myself and that question sent me down the rabbit hole of psychology. Another very important ingredient is the MYSTERY about this character. Mysterious people are extremely attractive to both genders. I predict that when the mystery in that room and his past is revealed, his popularity will drop a little. Also the occasional bursts of anger they show give a perception of alpha male. Contrary to logical thinking, anger at the right time and right place makes a man's personality stand out. It is another indicator of power. So the mystery in his character is like a cherry on top, the main ingredients being money and power beyond imagination of the average woman. They got the recipe perfect while probably not intending to. It just feeds into women's Cinderella fantasy.

So in summary,  women are crazy for Vikrant Saranjame becuase he is rich (very important), handsome (as in alpha male - broad shoulders, stubble, square jaw), successful (again wealthy, being boss, big house), mystery in his life, power that comes with money and the way he treats women - Isha and the other women around him. The main takeaway of this article is not that all women are evil and they only care for money. I am just trying to bottle this phenomenon of Vikrant Saranjame. If, after reading this, you conclude that all women are gold-diggers, wait till I write about men's subconscious mind - dhamki to any men readers

Links to source articles - from a psychology website called www.2knowmyself.com

Link 1- what attracts women

Link 2 - Being mysterious

Link 3- Money

Link 4- Looks

Link 5 - Men on motorbikes

Link 6 - Subconscious mind

Mr. marathi movie producer paced around his office in Mumbai, his mind full of ideas. Groundbreaking idea for a groundbreaking marathi movie.

"Secretary, take notes. I have this once in a life time idea."Then, turning to other like-minded colleagues,  "We need a SRK-Kajol-KJo kind of thing in Marathi. It has been long overdue."

Everyone nods. "Yes Yes We do."

"Great. Sagle hajar aahet? Let's start work on this perfect stew. Ki daal mhanuya?"

"Chinch-gulachi amti sir!" a lady chipped in.

"Yes, amti. So, what ingredients do we need for this amti? Let's brainstorm guys."

"To make an SRK style movie, we need ...SRK?"

"Good. I am proud of you. Now who is our marathi srk?"

"Shreyas Talpade?" "Not romantic enough"

"Aniket VIshwasrao?" "Chocolaty...Aamir Khanish"

"Ankush Chaudhary" "Nah...Akshay Kumarish"

"Swapnil Joshi...How about him? Our own Krishna. All gopikas, err women love him. He has that look in his eyes, flirty kind. He speaks enough English and looks modern."

"Yes. Yes. Take notes  Our first decision- Swapnil Joshi plays SRK. Perfect."

"But sir, he has this weird pronunciation, the way he says 'sa' like 'sh', tondat limlet chi goil thevun boltoy asa watta, nahitar jibhewar phod aalay asa watta...tyacha kay karaycha?" 

"Kahihi! Look who's talking. Remember how you loved SRK saying K..K...K.. Kiran?"

"Yes. but.."

"Nope. Swapnil Joshi it is. Tharla. Now we need a marathi Kajol."

"Who better than Mukta Barve? They are no less than SRK-Kajol of Marathi...Swapnil and Mukta."

"She does not have cat eyes like Kajol. I need a heroine with cat eyes." They google marathi heroines. "Nope. Nope." Someone suggests they consider this new girl, Sonali Kulkarni. "She has cat eyes, even better than Kajol's" 

"Khara aahe, but there is no innocence on her face. But you know what, gheun taak. Cat eyes are more important. This is exciting. what else do we need?"

"We need a Rani Mukherjee - love triangle."

"Yes, very important. Navin mulgi shodhu, just like they introduced Rani in KKHH. Ata dusri heroine kon shodhat basnar? Ek kaam karuya. Swapnil lach sangu. SRK ni kasa Anushka, Deepika la break dila..tashi hawa banvu kahitari."

"Okay sir"

"What else?"

"Helicopter and posh cars...like they have in K3G...and the hero needs to be filthy rich..mansion madhe rahnara."

"Now, you guys are talking. Jhalach mhanun samja. Gheu Helicopter bhadyani. Mansion kashala pahije. kayam 5-star hotel madhe rahil apla hero. 5-star cha ownerach banvu tyala, prashnach mitla. Ankhi bola"

"Style..Swapnil needs to talk and walk like SRK and have that cocky air around him.."

"Don't worry about that. He has seen enough SRK movies. He'll do it."

"Tragedy. Someone needs to die and then some senti drama about their death."

"Thik aahe. Heroine cha navra...dead....dead peksha 'almost' dead jasta tragic aahe ...coma madhe....car accident in flashback...Hero tichya premat aahe, love traingle cha tisra kopra kopryatach aahe...ani ticha navra...you know what..navara pan 'almost' karuya...ticha almost navra coma madhe aahe ani ti - tragedy queen, with her mysterious cat eyes.

"Sir, tila anaath dakhvuya, ashramat vadhleli...mhanje ankhi tragic hoil. Direct prekshakanchya kaljala haat."

"Chalel, Masta aahe kalpana. Hero falls in love with our anaath mulgi but cannot marry her...because of her almost-dead almost-husband. Jhala ki nahi 'hatke'?.."

"Kya baat hai. Kya baat hai."

"Ek thoda salaam namaste touch pan deuya. Live in relation...ekdam 21st century feel yeil. Ata kasa sagla open astay, hya pidhi madhe. Aavdel young crowd la. "

"Thoda marathi touch pan deuya ka? Kaaksparsha type? Mhanje old, traditional crowd pan yeil picture la."

"Brilliant! Kavla pindala shivnya warun kahi drama dakhvuya. Kay amti hotye bagha...ghamghamat sutlay."

"KKHH asel tar we need a flashback and a little daughter."

"Bara, bara. Karu kuthetari adjust."

"Twists. We need twists. Halli twist shivay movie hot nahi. Memory loss pan khup chaalto, halli saglya serial madhe astoy ki."

"Oh Yes. Bari athvan kelis. Jamel tikde twist dakhvuya. Shevat paryanta. Agdi prekshakanchi atadi twist hoil itke. Memory loss cha pan baghu, jamavuya."

"Most important, SRK movie mhanje we need romance. Nahitar kahi arthach nahi."

"Agdi barobar. Tyat swapnil patthya expert aahech. Ani baaki barach gut-wrenching, nauseating romance taaku. Agdi airplane ni akashat 'I love you' lihine vagere. Sagla karu. Don't worry."

Let's recap... kay kay jhala.... SRK, Kajol, love triangle, tragedy, accidents, twists kamit kami 4, parakotichi shrimanti, helicopter, foreign tour, english cha bharpoor wapar, thoda accent, thoda professional high-fundu life, posh cars, thode cheesy dialogues taakuyat - atta mala suchala ek ..."Aaj mala samudracha heva watto, tyachi nadi tyala kadhi sodun jaat nahi."

"Err... sir maja nahi, Kahi faar artha nahi hya dialogue la"

"Gap e...tula kay kaltay? artha kashala asayla pahije. Kahitari philosophical type bolla mhanje jhala. Swapnil dolyat paani anun, full emotion ni bolel. Avdel public la."

"Sir, Gaani?"

"Arre ho..gaani rahilich ki...Arre to "honar soon" chi gaani lihinara masta aahe...tyala gheuya...music director konihi chalel..hindi madhala asel tar uttam. Gaani 2-3 tari ekdam hit jhali pahijet. Jhala tar mag. Chala kaamala laga."

"Sir, aho story?"

"Story jhali ki...ankhi kay pahije?"

Secretary looks at her notes, "Nahi story kuthey, tch tch"

"Ata evdha sagla sangitla tumhala...sagle hit movie che ingredients ghetle apan. Story banava ki sagla ekatra karun. Ikde mahatvacha kay aahe? Hit movie banvaychi SRK style..kay story gheun basle Rao tumhi."

"Bara naav tari?"

"Naav tar dyaylach pahije kahitari....SRK chi gaani shodhun kadha. Hindi madhli fashion aahe aho. Ekhadya ganyatle pahile 2-3 shabda ghyayche ani picture la naav deun takaycha. Bagha...Jab tak hai jaan, Diwale Dulhania le jayenge vagere..."

"Suraj hua maddham.."

Nako..maja nahi. 

"Ye kali kali aankhen" 

Arre apli heroine ghaari aahe...tashi tya ganyat ti technical mistake aahech, Kajol pan ghaarich hoti...pan apan nahi mistake karaychi. 

"Mitwaa?". 

"Nako te...Wait, actually masta aahe...Mitwaaa..Hech naav theuya. Agdi Shahrukh dolyasamor yeto. Foreign madhe patanganat 'baahen kholke' ubha rahilela. Masta. Picture 100 takke hit. Anadachya uklya phuttayt mala. Tumhi sagla final kara, mi aaloch Swapnil la phone karun."

Like any other woman in her 30s, I have my share of hormonal problems. I believed doctors had a solution to whatever I was suffering from. Until they decided I was a soccer ball. 

I saw my doctor for bigtime period issues. Very irregular, heavy bleeding lasting for days sometimes. She referred me to a gynaec. They did loads of tests and concluded that I am hypothyroid. The only solution to my period problem they offer is birth control pills. I refused. They recommended I see an Endocrinologist. That made sense. 

Next two days I made a date with the bed and rested as much as possible. Feet up on pillows, ice pack on my lower abdomen. It worked. The 4 week leakage slowly stopped. 

But I had to keep looking for what was causing all this. I was determined to find all help I could.

I got myself an appointment with an endocrinologist. She ran some more tests and prescribed Synthroid 50mcg. I gained about 7 pounds within a few days of starting it. My jeans became tighter. I called their office and spoke to the nurse so she could pooh-pooh my concerns."Synthoid causes weight LOSS, not gain!", she said. I thought well, may be I was eating too much/ not exercising enough. Was I? Anyhow, my next period was moderate. Not crazy heavy, no clots, little discomfort. Awesome! I had 3 regular periods. I thought well, I'll watch my diet more, exercise some more, not worry about feeling heavy and bloated. At least my periods are back to normal. 

I couldn't be more wrong. I skipped the period in 4th month and got little spotting in the 5th. I was near the 6th month after starting Sythroid when I decided to stop the darn medication. If I am going to  have these problems with my periods either way, I would rather have them on no medication. I asked the endo If I need to stop it gradually. She said I could stop right away. I asked her about my periods. She said my TSH was fine, in 'normal range'. It couldn't be the thyroid, something else could be causing the period problem. She recommended I see a gynaec!

It makes it imperative for these specialists to come up with something. After charging all that money, how could they say, "We don't know"? So what do you do? Play soccer with the patient. Refer them to specialist after specialist who has no clue what's happening. They come up with theories until it's time to KICK and PASS.

It is like the fabled story of blind men and the Elephant. One blind man gets the tail and concludes, 'The elephant must be like a rope.' Other says it must be like a pillar. I have compared myself to a ball and to an Elephant here. Hmm...doesn't get any worse now. does it?

I walked out of the endo's office to never go back. Here's the interesting part. The day after I stopped Synthroid, I started spotting. It has been 3+ weeks and I am still spotting/ have light bleeding. Synthroid had nothing to do with periods? Ya right!

Now should I go back to being a Soccer ball? Decisions! Decisions!

Dear Rahul,

I hope this letter finds you in good spirits considering whatever happened in IPL. Err...Not that I know what happened, I read a tweet saying you threw your cap down. Really? Why would you do that?  I am that fan of your's who has not followed any of your cricket after 2003. In fact, I haven't followed ANY cricket after 2003. As crazy a cricket watcher I was in the 90s, I am diametrically opposite now. That is an odd claim for a fan, isn't it? But do keep reading and it will make sense. I promise.

Well, I am writing this to tell you about random stuff over the years that I have done to carve my niche as your number 1 fan. Let's start at the start. The year was 1996 and the month was August or September. Two awesome new batsmen had made the test debut for India at Lord's back in June. One of them made a century on debut and the other missed by 5 runs. How awesome! I was at our local raddi shop (second hand books) skimming through some books and magazines, hoping to pick up a 'Mills and Boon' novel to read. I happened to see this Sportstar issue with cover story on Rahul Dravid, the debutant who missed a century by 5 runs. That DID NOT attract my attention. The little text in the corner said, "Poster: Saurav Ganguly." I flipped through it to confirm that the poster was in there and decided to buy it. The rest as they say is history.

Oh wait! You don't know the history. I have to type it out. Duh! Okay. Here goes...I took that magazine home, took the poster out and adorned the sidewall of our showcase with it. Since I had paid about 5 Rs., it made sense to read some of it. That is when I read your first (at least after the debut) interview to Sportstar. You were asked, "Why did you walk at 95?" To that, you said, "It was a loud nick. I am sure even the crowd must have heard it." When asked if you would do the same thing if you could go back in time, you said you were not sure. That refreshing honesty, in the fact that you walked when you were at 95 and more importantly the part when you said you were not sure if you will do the same thing if given a chance again, struck a chord with me. I read that interview over and over again, clipped it and put it away. That day I became a Rahul Dravid fan. I still am. 

All my college friends (and those who just knew me), neighbors and relatives started knowing me as a 'Dravid fan.' People volunteered to offer me clippings about you they happened to come across. The funny part was, when people asked me why I was your fan, I had no straight answer to give. I liked to watch Saurav and Sachin's game more. As for looks, you were among many other good looking people in the team. Girls would swoon over Ajay Jadeja at the time. Years later, armed with more maturity and insight (so I'd think) I can answer that question now. It was your honesty and character that I was a fan of, the qualities you stood out for. I also loved the fact that you were not the show-off types. In whatever advertisements you did, you looked so awkward and a total misfit. I loved that too. I am glad you have maintained that character over the years. Even now, the way you have kept your post retirement life low key is coherent with that strong character. Best of people have a hard time letting go of the limelight and start clawing for attention on Twitter and Facebook. You have set yourself apart here too. Although it will be nice if you can be on Twitter, so people like me could reach you. 

Coming back to my fan-story, as time went by, looking for your interviews, pictures, articles about you etc. became my favorite hobby for the next 4 years, (rest of my college life). Raddi shop became my favorite hangout after class. Don't judge me there!  I bought new magazines too, when I had money on hand. Remember I was a college girl depending on pocket money from my dad? My collection of newspaper and magazine clippings grew bigger by the day. I had to find a way to organize it. So my scrapbook was born. I bought a blank paper, hard cover register (believe me, those were hard to find) and pasted all the clippings in a nice organized manner. No other creation has given me such immense satisfaction.

From some of these cuttings I found out your birthday, Jan 11, which was a few days away and you were in S. Africa. I desperately wanted to send you a letter/ card. I didn't know how. I tried calling Paras (Mhambrey). Right! I looked him up in the phone book. He was cordial, but could not help me with a postal address in SA where you could be reached. (Postal address! As jurassic as it sounds.) I flipped through a lot of magazines, found the team's schedule and finally settled on a plan. The team was going to be in Jo'burg for a test match around the time of your birthday and was scheduled to be there for one-dayers later (in case my letter missed you the first time around). I sent a card addressed to you ....'The wanderers, Jo'burg, SA'. That's it. It was awesome not knowing if you would ever get it. Weird, but true. Btw Johannesburg test on that tour was when you made your first century. Just saying, not taking credit.

That set off another ritual in addition to the collection. Letters. I wrote a letter a month to you. The funnest were of course the ones I sent by Airmail. I think it was something like 13 Rs. in stamps. I sent letters to stadium addresses (name + city + country) in England, Australia, Sri Lanka. I have always wondered if you got those letters I sent to stadiums. I pieced together your Bangalore address from articles in my collection and wrote to you there when you were not travelling. I got one reply from you to a letter I sent to your home address. I cannot begin to tell you how happy I was that day and for many more days to come. It is a treasure tucked away in my other treasure - the scrapbook.

People told me to try and meet you. I wanted to. But I was not sure how. Plus, I had a fear that you may be mean to me, dismiss me as a crazy fan not worthy of a few words. What if you were rude and condescending? That could bring my little world crumbling down. I know they were unfounded fears. But hey! I was a teenager. My standard reply was, "I will meet him when he retires. Then he will have some time for me." This was too much patience and maturity for my age. Right? Of course. Who has that kind of foresight at that age? It was just my avoidance strategy.

Cut to year 2012. I had been married for 10 years, settled in US, an angel of a daughter and a great husband. (He is very similar to you in a lot of ways. That topic for some other time.) We were planning a trip to India and were going to be in Bangalore for about 4 days (first time). While we were in the midst of this planning, the news of you announcing your retirement came. That little news brought back memories tucked away in the corner of my mind for a decade now. The timing of that news was my sign. The coincidence could not be anyting else, other than a DIVINE plan. (You see, the crazy, naive teen in me is still alive and kicking.) NOW was the time to act. My decision was made. I was going to try and meet you, show you my collection and take a few pictures with you. Alas! That was too much to ask I guess because it was not destined to be. Although, in that quest, I met someone awesome who I  think made you what you are. Your father!

I took my daughter with me and went to Indiranagar from Electronic city. Totally new to the city, I had no idea how far that was. Anyway, We got off on 12th main and walked, asking random people where Rahul Dravid lived. (I knew it was your parents' house, but that was the only gateway I could think of.) I felt like a teenager again talking to random people on the street. So exciting in a weird sort of way. One nice watchman showed me the way to your house. Your dad welcomed us, the strangers, to the house. He offered us nimbu pani and spent almost an hour talking to me. He was such a large hearted man. Really, he could have dismissed us right at the door saying 'Rahul does not live here.' He did not. May his soul rest in peace. He called you and asked if you could meet this 'lady from US.' You were on your way to the airport and could not meet me. That was a sad, sad moment for me, but I am forever thankful to your dad for trying to help. 

When we were leaving, I instinctively touched his feet. He touched my head and gave me a real ashirwad, "sukhi raha". I felt a connection with him for some reason and I think he did too. You are lucky to have him as your dad, Rahul. That year, I came back to US without meeting you. (Although I did talk to you on the phone.) The next year, 2013, I made a plan for Bangalore again. I did not know if I could meet you this time (negative thinker me), although I hoped to see your father once again. I read the news of his demise the day after I booked my tickets from Mumbai to Bangalore. After that, I did not know if it was appropriate to meet you. Then again, I felt like I knew him personally and I should go offer my condolences to you and your mom. I could not. She was not home. I did meet your brother there and offered my condolences.

So there! I have no plans of a trip to India this year. I don't know when (and if) I will meet you. I hope to get third time lucky. If you are reading this, please contact me. I am holding on to my collection and hoping to show it to you some day. Some day!

Warm regards,

Your no.1 fan