Thoughts on anything & everything

Mr. marathi movie producer paced around his office in Mumbai, his mind full of ideas. Groundbreaking idea for a groundbreaking marathi movie.

"Secretary, take notes. I have this once in a life time idea."Then, turning to other like-minded colleagues,  "We need a SRK-Kajol-KJo kind of thing in Marathi. It has been long overdue."

Everyone nods. "Yes Yes We do."

"Great. Sagle hajar aahet? Let's start work on this perfect stew. Ki daal mhanuya?"

"Chinch-gulachi amti sir!" a lady chipped in.

"Yes, amti. So, what ingredients do we need for this amti? Let's brainstorm guys."

"To make an SRK style movie, we need ...SRK?"

"Good. I am proud of you. Now who is our marathi srk?"

"Shreyas Talpade?" "Not romantic enough"

"Aniket VIshwasrao?" "Chocolaty...Aamir Khanish"

"Ankush Chaudhary" "Nah...Akshay Kumarish"

"Swapnil Joshi...How about him? Our own Krishna. All gopikas, err women love him. He has that look in his eyes, flirty kind. He speaks enough English and looks modern."

"Yes. Yes. Take notes  Our first decision- Swapnil Joshi plays SRK. Perfect."

"But sir, he has this weird pronunciation, the way he says 'sa' like 'sh', tondat limlet chi goil thevun boltoy asa watta, nahitar jibhewar phod aalay asa watta...tyacha kay karaycha?" 

"Kahihi! Look who's talking. Remember how you loved SRK saying K..K...K.. Kiran?"

"Yes. but.."

"Nope. Swapnil Joshi it is. Tharla. Now we need a marathi Kajol."

"Who better than Mukta Barve? They are no less than SRK-Kajol of Marathi...Swapnil and Mukta."

"She does not have cat eyes like Kajol. I need a heroine with cat eyes." They google marathi heroines. "Nope. Nope." Someone suggests they consider this new girl, Sonali Kulkarni. "She has cat eyes, even better than Kajol's" 

"Khara aahe, but there is no innocence on her face. But you know what, gheun taak. Cat eyes are more important. This is exciting. what else do we need?"

"We need a Rani Mukherjee - love triangle."

"Yes, very important. Navin mulgi shodhu, just like they introduced Rani in KKHH. Ata dusri heroine kon shodhat basnar? Ek kaam karuya. Swapnil lach sangu. SRK ni kasa Anushka, Deepika la break dila..tashi hawa banvu kahitari."

"Okay sir"

"What else?"

"Helicopter and posh cars...like they have in K3G...and the hero needs to be filthy rich..mansion madhe rahnara."

"Now, you guys are talking. Jhalach mhanun samja. Gheu Helicopter bhadyani. Mansion kashala pahije. kayam 5-star hotel madhe rahil apla hero. 5-star cha ownerach banvu tyala, prashnach mitla. Ankhi bola"

"Style..Swapnil needs to talk and walk like SRK and have that cocky air around him.."

"Don't worry about that. He has seen enough SRK movies. He'll do it."

"Tragedy. Someone needs to die and then some senti drama about their death."

"Thik aahe. Heroine cha navra...dead....dead peksha 'almost' dead jasta tragic aahe ...coma madhe....car accident in flashback...Hero tichya premat aahe, love traingle cha tisra kopra kopryatach aahe...ani ticha navra...you know what..navara pan 'almost' karuya...ticha almost navra coma madhe aahe ani ti - tragedy queen, with her mysterious cat eyes.

"Sir, tila anaath dakhvuya, ashramat vadhleli...mhanje ankhi tragic hoil. Direct prekshakanchya kaljala haat."

"Chalel, Masta aahe kalpana. Hero falls in love with our anaath mulgi but cannot marry her...because of her almost-dead almost-husband. Jhala ki nahi 'hatke'?.."

"Kya baat hai. Kya baat hai."

"Ek thoda salaam namaste touch pan deuya. Live in relation...ekdam 21st century feel yeil. Ata kasa sagla open astay, hya pidhi madhe. Aavdel young crowd la. "

"Thoda marathi touch pan deuya ka? Kaaksparsha type? Mhanje old, traditional crowd pan yeil picture la."

"Brilliant! Kavla pindala shivnya warun kahi drama dakhvuya. Kay amti hotye bagha...ghamghamat sutlay."

"KKHH asel tar we need a flashback and a little daughter."

"Bara, bara. Karu kuthetari adjust."

"Twists. We need twists. Halli twist shivay movie hot nahi. Memory loss pan khup chaalto, halli saglya serial madhe astoy ki."

"Oh Yes. Bari athvan kelis. Jamel tikde twist dakhvuya. Shevat paryanta. Agdi prekshakanchi atadi twist hoil itke. Memory loss cha pan baghu, jamavuya."

"Most important, SRK movie mhanje we need romance. Nahitar kahi arthach nahi."

"Agdi barobar. Tyat swapnil patthya expert aahech. Ani baaki barach gut-wrenching, nauseating romance taaku. Agdi airplane ni akashat 'I love you' lihine vagere. Sagla karu. Don't worry."

Let's recap... kay kay jhala.... SRK, Kajol, love triangle, tragedy, accidents, twists kamit kami 4, parakotichi shrimanti, helicopter, foreign tour, english cha bharpoor wapar, thoda accent, thoda professional high-fundu life, posh cars, thode cheesy dialogues taakuyat - atta mala suchala ek ..."Aaj mala samudracha heva watto, tyachi nadi tyala kadhi sodun jaat nahi."

"Err... sir maja nahi, Kahi faar artha nahi hya dialogue la"

"Gap e...tula kay kaltay? artha kashala asayla pahije. Kahitari philosophical type bolla mhanje jhala. Swapnil dolyat paani anun, full emotion ni bolel. Avdel public la."

"Sir, Gaani?"

"Arre ho..gaani rahilich ki...Arre to "honar soon" chi gaani lihinara masta aahe...tyala gheuya...music director konihi chalel..hindi madhala asel tar uttam. Gaani 2-3 tari ekdam hit jhali pahijet. Jhala tar mag. Chala kaamala laga."

"Sir, aho story?"

"Story jhali ki...ankhi kay pahije?"

Secretary looks at her notes, "Nahi story kuthey, tch tch"

"Ata evdha sagla sangitla tumhala...sagle hit movie che ingredients ghetle apan. Story banava ki sagla ekatra karun. Ikde mahatvacha kay aahe? Hit movie banvaychi SRK style..kay story gheun basle Rao tumhi."

"Bara naav tari?"

"Naav tar dyaylach pahije kahitari....SRK chi gaani shodhun kadha. Hindi madhli fashion aahe aho. Ekhadya ganyatle pahile 2-3 shabda ghyayche ani picture la naav deun takaycha. Bagha...Jab tak hai jaan, Diwale Dulhania le jayenge vagere..."

"Suraj hua maddham.."

Nako..maja nahi. 

"Ye kali kali aankhen" 

Arre apli heroine ghaari aahe...tashi tya ganyat ti technical mistake aahech, Kajol pan ghaarich hoti...pan apan nahi mistake karaychi. 

"Mitwaa?". 

"Nako te...Wait, actually masta aahe...Mitwaaa..Hech naav theuya. Agdi Shahrukh dolyasamor yeto. Foreign madhe patanganat 'baahen kholke' ubha rahilela. Masta. Picture 100 takke hit. Anadachya uklya phuttayt mala. Tumhi sagla final kara, mi aaloch Swapnil la phone karun."